Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize
