I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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