you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
