Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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