im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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