Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
