i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
