I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
