im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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