Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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