You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
We have started to decorate penises.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Randomize
