I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I'm at about main and main street
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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