Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
