I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
50% drunk capacity currently
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Randomize
