Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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