we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
