..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
