so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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