Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Randomize
