I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
