y did u give ur computer a hand job?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
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