i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
