even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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