he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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