just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
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