Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
