Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
