We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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