what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
