Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
