Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
