New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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