i was born a porn star she said
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
