My nipple is on Facebook.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
