I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
