I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
