My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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