I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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