So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
