I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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