i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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