i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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