Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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