New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
