I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
