some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
