everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
