I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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