so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
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