I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
