There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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